Thursday, November 5, 2015

Reading and Writing

I've been writing for as long as I can remember.  I loved writing little short stories as a kid which then turned into journal keeping the older I got.  Poetry was always a big piece.  A very rhyming style poetry at the beginning which transitioned to something completely different the older I got.  Once the whole blogging thing came about it was a natural transition and I did it for YEARS.  For those just joining this party there is a whole other blog that contains daily posts for years and years.  I believe I started in 2005?  Anyway, I'm not really sure what changed or happened but it started to become a burden.  I tried to write daily and I felt like I was writing more for other people....more for my readers than I was for myself.  The blog was always a great space to clear my head, but trying to do it daily...well my head just wasn't that full.

Since I stopped writing there has been something missing.  My head felt more cluttered.  My thoughts sometimes all over the place.  When I made the list I wanted writing to be a part of it again because I knew it was something I truly missed and in some ways needed to keep my sanity.  I put a restriction on it though.  Write daily for the year.  It was just one more pressure I didn't want to add back in.  I feel like this was the case for me in school.  I loved writing.  I took many writing and English classes.  I wanted to teach English and Creative Writing and in many ways still do feel like this is a dream I never should have given up on.  Give me a deadline though and I'm always sitting there at the last minute throwing it all together.  It was always good, but I would find myself stressed and unable to enjoy the process.

This past week of writing I have enjoyed.  It feels nice to spill things out again.  I also feel no pressure to do so.  If I feel like it, I will write and tell you what I am thinking about.  I'm not setting any deadlines or expectations for myself.  I'm creating when I want to create.

One of the items on my list was to attend and read at an Open Mic event.  I used to go to these all the time in my early 20's.  I couldn't even tell you really why I stopped.  I didn't find myself writing in that style anymore and just moved onto other things.  It was something that I missed though.  Open Mic gave me a voice.  It gave me a way to express myself.  It brought me out of a shell.  I stopped being nervous standing up in front of people to speak.  It made me more outgoing.  Things I am still grateful for today.

I found out about a local event that happens every other Wednesday called Midtown Out Loud from my friend Kay....someone that I have wanted to see perform as well.  We finally were able to go last night and oh man the fire inside me is RAGING.  I'm left counting the days to go back again.  Watching writers and singers perform their pieces was exhilarating and motivating.  It really made me realize how much I missed it.  Now, the other piece was that I was going to read something that I had written....and I haven't written spoken word style pieces in pretty much 17 years.  So, I dragged out the journals and started reading through pieces.  I then proceeded to laugh and cringe at the thought that I used to read all of this stuff in front of people.  Finally, I settled on a piece that felt good to read.  While I was definitely nervous, it felt good to stand up there and use my voice to express my writing.

I used to have a feature on the old blog for a while where I shared some of my old poetry each week.  It started with a piece I wrote my mom and people asked to hear more so each week I would put another piece out there.  Since then, and here I go sounding like the old lady trudging through the snow barefoot both ways to school, we have the ease of making videos that we didn't have back then.  While I don't mind standing in front of people to speak and don't mind taking a ridiculous amount of pictures of myself....I hate being on video.  So, I'm giving myself another challenge.  Certain writings are just meant to be read.  Without further ado, here is the piece I read last night.


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