Thursday, September 12, 2013

Why you gotta be so far?

When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to live somewhere else.  At 20 years old I packed up and moved away to Boston and a year later came back.  I loved it there, but had reasons to come home and then met my husband.

Long long before that, my Grandmother retired and sold her home in Napa and traveled the US with my Grandfather.  They ended up settling in a small town in Texas, which is where my Grandma lives currently.

Ten years ago my Mom retired and she and my Step Dad moved to Florida.  I remember being really excited for her and at the same time saying, "you know this isn't going to be so fun when I have kids."

Guess what?  This shit isn't fun.  I don't have family here for the most part.  I don't have a support system to rely on like that.  I think it's worse knowing that there is support out there...it is just SO FAR OUT THERE.  Also, everyone is getting older.  My Grandma just had another stint in the hospital at the same time that my Step Dad had a stint in the hospital.  I couldn't just hop in the car and drive to help either of them out.

My Mom is stressed out.  I think a good portion of this has to do with the fact that my Mom is dealing with this alone.  If she were here, I could help her.  If my Grandma were here, she could support her.  Instead we are all spread out and spend our time getting updates on phones and laptops.

My mission, get them back here.  They both have reasons why they can't come back this instant, but when the opportunity is a little more viable there is nothing that will stop me from making them return.  As I have gotten older and had a child I have realized how important it is to have support from family.  I know that as Leyton grows older he may decide to move to various places and you know what?  I'm going to follow him.  I don't need to live with him but I don't ever want to be so far away either that he carries that burden on his shoulders should something go wrong.

I have a good Mommy, I have a good Grandma.  I miss them both.

Yesterday this song popped into my head.  I realized last night I was humming it ALL DAY.  I couldn't figure out where I would have picked it up.  I went online last night to listen to it so I could see if I was reminded.  Did I hear it in a commercial?  In a movie or a show?

After listening I realized it is none of the above.  I just spoke about music being powerful.  How a single song can speak to you and capture an emotion or event so perfectly you feel as if it was written just for you.  This song was written before I was born and yet right now I feel like it is the story of my life.  I think my subconscious pulled this song from the archives of my mind because it knew it was perfect.  I watched the video last night and cried.




Holding you again could only do me good.

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