Friday, August 2, 2013

I can't.

I realized something HUGE this week.  I was lying in bed and started thinking about where I am right now and how I got here.  How did I go from being the girl that ate fast food multiple times a day, drank a half gallon of diet soda and swam a couple days a week just so she wouldn't feel fat and lazy to the girl that is going to the gym 6 days a week, eats healthy and is constantly challenging herself to do something new.  I thought the answer would be complicated.  The truth of the matter is, it is so so simple.

I stopped telling myself I can't.

I didn't always tell myself that though.  There was a time that I went for it and in some aspects of my life I still did.  With regards to fitness and health, it all came to a screeching halt when I had my first surgery.  I had never had pain like that.  I had never had something that I had to challenge myself to overcome physically.  I started down a path of destruction and while I would sometimes get going in the right direction I kept falling back into old habits.

Then I had another surgery.  When I injured my knee I figured it was over.  There were points that I truly thought I would never walk again.  When I took my first steps I cried.  In that moment I should have realized all the things I was capable of.  Instead, I kept reminding myself of all the things I couldn't do.  I can't walk up stairs, I can't run, I can't do a squat, I can't bend my knee all the way, I can't crawl on my knees...blah blah blah.  It goes on and on.  All of those can'ts piled up until it started seeping into other aspects of my life.  I can't became my personal motto and the ability I gave two words to beat me down began.

How do I go forward now?  How do I eat raw for 30 days?  How do I do juice cleanses?  How do I eat clean?  How do I give up Diet Soda?  How do I not drink?  How do I work out as many days as possible?

Because I CAN.

You know what?  You can too!  I'm sure you have told yourself all the things I did.  I hate the gym.  I'm tired.  I'm too busy. I work.  I have an injury.  I'm too fat to do that.  I'm uncomfortable.  The thing is...you will continue being all of those things if you don't do something about it!  I was tired ALL the time.  I woke up hungover EVERY morning and I didn't even drink!  I got winded going up stairs.  I absolutely HATED the gym and used the excuse "well, I'm just a swimmer."

All of those things were just ways that I told myself I can't.  Now that I know that I can, I sleep good at night, I feel good, I have a ton of energy, I love going up the stairs, I think about doing lunges every time I walk down a hallway, or squats while I'm standing in the bathroom, I LOVE THE GYM and can't wait for the next time I go just so I can have someone kick my ass.  I get literally PISSED at myself when my body won't lift something I want it to lift or do another rep of something I want it to do and instead of giving up I say FUCK IT because I know eventually I will do it!

How do I do all the stuff I do now, because I wake up every morning and tell myself I can.  Maybe you should try it too!

Today marks my 2nd day of juicing for my Weak Bod to Greek God Challenge.  I woke up this morning and was more tired then usual and a bit headachy.  When my alarm went off for the gym I figured there was no way I was going.  I knew if I tried I would likely faint.  Instead of staying in bed I got up and went for a long walk.  I listened to awesome music, drank a ton of water and got myself a green juice.  I felt so alive and so happy and proud of myself for getting out of bed.

When I got home I knew I had to take my before pictures for the challenge.  Typically all of my pictures I take by myself when no one is home..which is slightly ironic since I post them online for the world to see.  Today I asked my husband to take them for me.  I stood there confident and ready and now I can't wait to see what happens in 90 days.



It's hard to believe that not that long ago I wouldn't let my husband come in the room of my prenatal visits until after they weighed me.  I sure have come a long way and don't miss that at all.

2 comments:

  1. You're awesome Stacey! You're passion is so powerful. It takes a lot to step up to the plate after a surgery. I know you're gonna crush it! Good luck!

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  2. GO girl!!!! This post is EVERYTHING!!!!!! Im so happy for you! Keep me posted on the juicing I have had some friends who had amazing results!!!!

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