Monday, July 8, 2013

The flood gates!

Wow, it's been a week since I last wrote but oh what a week it has been!  This weekend was a BUSY one. We had the 4th of July of course and also a Life Celebration party for my Mother and Father In Law on Saturday.  All of our family came to town for the celebration and there is nothing I love more than hanging out with all my family.  My youngest niece and nephew came to stay with us during the trip and of course, Leyton had a BLAST with them.

The week/weekend started out good.  On Wednesday I went paddle boarding for a couple hours, came home and worked out with the trainer and then swam.  It was a chock full day of fitness and fun and I loved every minute of it.  4th of July we had some family over for dinner and I did awesome, eating raw and staying clean and healthy.  I was so proud of myself for sticking with it and didn't feel uncomfortable eating slightly different than everyone else.  I was also super pumped because my weight had dropped into the single digit range, a place I have not been in a long time!

Then Friday came.  I'm not sure what happened on Friday but I started to feel like the odd person out.  I felt like a loner eating the way I was.  I felt isolated and not part of the group.  I decided at that moment that I didn't want to feel that way and so I just ate dinner with everyone.  I was careful and selective about what I had and felt good about my decision.

Then Saturday came and much like a small snowball rolling down the hill picks up speed and size...so did my eating.  I basically threw in the towel and just went for it.  Saturday night I had a very stressful moment at the beginning of the party and eased my stress with food and drink.  This continued into Sunday.  Last night when I went to bed I felt like hell.  I had a head ache.  My stomach was pushed out and very uncomfortable.  It was in that moment as I was lying there in bed that I came too and thought "what the hell just happened?!" I felt like I had been on drugs and just woke up in a very different place.  Only my drug was food.

Today, I'm right back on track.  Got the day started with my kombucha and juice and know that what happened happened and I can move on.  The thing is IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.  I'm sure I will do it again sometime.  The key is realizing what is going on and stopping it before it gets out of control.  For me, that can happen very easily.  I'm not sure why, but I have a terrible relationship with food and so once I open those flood gates I have to find a way to get them closed soon before everything is flooded.  I don't think it's possible for me to keep them closed all the time.  That is life.

Here's the thing though, it does come at a price.  I don't want to make it all about weight and do plan on stepping off the scale more once I get under 200lbs.  I started eating badly on Friday night.  Today I am 6lbs heavier than I was when I weighed myself on Thursday.  That's 6lbs in TWO AND A HALF DAYS!!!  I'm not in the single digits anymore.  My digestion is out of whack and I'm sure my body is holding onto a bunch of crap.  Today I have cravings that I have to deal with again.  Thing is though, I'm not going to listen to them and I'm going to just consider this all water under the bridge.  A lesson learned.  I refuse to beat myself up for just living life.  Shit is going to happen and it's good knowing that I have come a long way from the person I was just over 6 months ago!


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