Thursday, May 16, 2013

Finding Accountability

Something interesting happened this week, it's something that has happened time after time, after time, after time.  This was just one of the times I really paid attention to it.  Let's rewind for a bit back to last weekend.

I walked out of Weight Watchers, down another 3.4 lbs and felt lighter than air.  I was proud, I was happy, I was all around please with myself for the job well done in the past couple months.  I took Leyton to the farmer's market and got myself a large fresh juice and ate some fresh strawberries.

After we headed to the Dixon May Fair and I knew I was going to having lunch there.  I also knew I was going to eat what I wanted.  I was going to have a "free day" and not worry about things quite as much as normal.  For lunch I got a corn dog.  Yes, a corn dog.  One of the worlds likely least healthy foods.  I took two bites and realized that I didn't need to eat anymore.  It was good, but it didn't have that same pizazz that it may have had in the past.

That night for dinner we picked up burgers and instead of getting a veggie burger I decided I wanted a real burger.  I ate half and realized, I didn't want anymore.  It was just OK.  In the past I know I would have eaten the whole thing whether it was good or not.

Monday I got right back onto my eating "plan."  Tuesday was Leyton's birthday and I had a chocolate croissant with my green smoothie.  Then at dinner we had pizza and cake, which I had both of.  Too much of both.  Last night I had cake again and today...I stopped for another chocolate croissant.

There you have it, I realized I was slipping.  My weakness was not meat, was not fried foods.  My weakness is sweets.  Give me something sweet and I want more and more and more of it.  Yesterday I had a moment where I thought, "well, I'm not going to Weight Watchers this Saturday so I'll just make up for it next week."

That right there was my hall pass to keep slipping.  Weight Watchers keeps me accountable.  The problem here is that they aren't always going to be there.  There are going to be times, like this weekend, where I simply can't go.

What I realize now is the reason I slip and the reason I loose control and keep sliding is I'm not accountable to MYSELF.  I'm the only constant in this scenario.  I'm the only one that is always going to be around.  I really need to figure out how to be accountable to myself.  There is a fine line there though because I have to do it without beating myself up.

I don't have any answers here yet, but maybe you do?  What holds you accountable?  What keeps you going on whatever goal it is you have in mind??

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