It's been a while since I've done any sort of writing about my health and weight loss mission, in fact I'm not sure I've even written much about it on the new blog. Probably because I have been in a rut.
Here's the deal, I am super successful at losing 30lbs. Problem is, it's the same 30 lbs. I have lost the same 30lbs so much I have essentially lost the equivalent of a whole village. Something happens though once I hit that 30lbs. It doesn't matter how long it takes me, it's not about the time frame, it's about the number. Do I get bored? Do I get over confident? Do I cheat once and then slide down the slide until I hit the bottom?
I'm not sure the answer to those questions yet, but may have a bit of insight after yesterday.
Last Saturday I joined WW....again. I needed a buddy, someone to travel on this journey with and I just so happen to have a buddy who is doing WW right now so it seemed like good timing. Now, that said...I am still trying to lead a more whole food/plant based lifestyle. When I'm being conscious and good that is. I thought perhaps if I did the two together it would be the perfect fit and might help me when I'm not being so good to still have a plan to stick to.
Last night though something happened. Something that has happened a TON. I was good for breakfast, I was good for lunch. As I sat there at my desk, knee hurting, I realized I didn't want to cook or think about food. So, I told the hubby we should go out to dinner. We were trying somewhere new and I looked at the menu and figured out that I could make it work. I would likely go over my points for the day and could just use what extra points I had left for the week.
On my way home I stopped at Nugget to pick up a couple items and while I was there I picked up two Reeses Eggs. I ate them in the car on the way home. I didn't think about their points. I didn't think about how these two items were going to completely throw me off for the week allowance. Instead, this little cunt on my shoulder was saying "Go ahead, you're going to splurge tonight anyway so it won't matter."
Who the fuck is this? It was then that I realized this voice is who is sabotaging things for me. Now, I'm not crazy, I know it's my own damn voice. The problem is that this voice comes on and I don't even seem to think about it. It's like I'm in a trance and just go with whatever she says. I have a feeling it's this same voice that pushes me down the slide right about at 30lbs. I have to figure out how to muffle that bitch.
Knowing that was happening though was key because instead of what I normally would have done, which is figure I blew it so why not blow it the rest of the week, I jumped right back on it today. For now I have a gag shoved in this voices mouth and will do whatever I can to keep it there.
Anyone else out there have a voice like this that likes to sabotage you? Should I call the shrink now or wait for your answer?