It's Monday and I finally feel like I'm getting back to me.
I woke up this morning, got ready (including makeup and hair) and even put a dress on. I didn't feel sick when I woke up, I didn't feel exhausted and I didn't feel like crying. Those were all signs of a turn around.
The passing of my father in law hit me hard, MUCH harder than I expected. He's been sick for a while and we all "knew" this was coming but I have learned that does not mean that I was prepared for it. I've struggled with they why of it all this past week. I know some of it was me being sick and run down anyway so I just couldn't handle the extra hit. He was a great man and I knew I would grieve for him, but I had no idea I would fight crying every day all day. I really think that my husband reminds me so much of my father in law, so losing him was like losing a part of Bill and that became really hard to deal with.
There is also the Grandpa factor. Leyton doesn't have one now. That's such a terrible thing to write, because you see...my Dad is still alive. If he read this it would probably hurt his feelings, but the truth of the matter is...my Dad really didn't know how to be a Dad and definitely doesn't know how to be a Grandpa. It's hard to know that I have to keep Grandpa's memory alive for Leyton with only stories and pictures. I wish he had more time with him. I wish he got to go out in a canoe with him on a lake or go fishing with him. OK, let's move on from that now or I'll end up crying again.
This weekend we spent a lot of time out in Davis at the house going through things and trying to get stuff organized. There is so much stuff in that house and it's going to take a long long time to get through it all. I was having a hard time sorting through stuff and found myself emotionally tasked and confused after the first day. I decided that the next day I would pick one project. One thing that I could just completely focus on in the hopes that it would make it easier for me. I chose to sort through the pictures. There was an entire window bench about 5 feet in length that was FULL of pictures.
I got boxes for each of the kids and boxes for overall family pictures and got to sorting. I sat in the middle of the picture nest and just starting dealing out pictures like I was playing a game of cards.
It took me three days, but I finished and now each family member has a box of memories to take home with them. It was a great project really and a wonderful chance to finally see all the pictures and find gems like this.